Rangeman High
by WishingIwasLester'sGirl
Summary: This is just a (hopefully) funny little one-shot (unless the response is good, or I come up with more) that XxTartLoverxX encouraged me to write. What if someone with good intentions tried to help Steph eat healthier, by making it more enjoyable, without her knowledge? What if there was a mix up?


A/N: Just as an FYI, I am a medical Cannabis user, and this story just popped into my head one night. Hope you enjoy. If you recognize it, it's not mine, and I'm not making any money.

Stephanie went to pick up Mooner and Dougie, again. But, at least she knew she wouldn't have any trouble. When she arrived the guys were in the middle of Star Trek marathon, so she made herself comfortable. About two hours later they found an episode they didn't care if they missed, so they got ready to go. On the way out Mooner stopped Steph.  
"Dudette! I wanted to give you this as a token of our appreciation for being so cool with us." Steph looked at the bag of granola, then back to Mooner, "What? Your men in black are always telling you that you should eat healthier. I just wanted to help out." She took the bag with a smile. She knew they were just being nice. "Thanks Mooner, I appreciate the thought." Steph grinned again as Mooner beamed.

Steph got them to the cop shop, rebonded, and back home in forty-five minutes. She decided to go to Rangeman to do searches on her other two skips. She pulled into the garage, and as she was getting out, the bag of granola caught her eye. She had no plans to eat it, but she didn't want it to go to waste, so she decided to take it with her and leave it in the break room for everyone. Once she had started her searches, she decided to just go on home and swing by in the morning to pick up the results. She shut everything down, gathered up her things, tossed the bag of granola onto the counter in the break room, and left to go home.

The next morning Steph woke up and did her normal routine. She was just getting ready to step out when her cell phone rang. She saw that it was the control room at Rangeman, so she answered, "Hello?"

"Hey Bomber, it's Ram."

"Hi Ram, I was just leaving to come pick up those two searches I ran last evening."

"That's fine, but that's not why I was calling." Steph furrowed her brow in confusion.

"Since you're on your way over, you can just see when you get here."

"Ummmmm...Ok. Am I in trouble or did I do something?" Steph was getting a little anxious.

"No, not at all Steph. In fact, I guarantee it will put a smile on your face."

"Ok. I'll be there in a few." She rolled her eyes at the dial tone and muttered something about phone manners.

True to her word, Steph pulled into the garage at Rangeman ten minutes later. She got out, gave a finger wave to the camera, and stepped into the elevator. The fifth floor was already lit up, so she just waited. Ram was waiting at the doors when they opened and he motioned her to the monitors. Steph turned and started walking over the monitors that had several screens. Ram motioned for her to sit and handed her a pair of headphones and pointed to the screen that showed the conference room where the morning meeting was taking place. She looked at him, eyebrows up, "I'm not going to listen in on their morning meeting!" Ram grinned. "Just trust me. It's not really much of a business meeting anymore."

She still had her eyebrows knitted together, but proceeded to put the headphones on and looked at the screen. The first thing she noticed, was that everyone seemed more relaxed and laid back. Some of the men even had their feet up on the table. Steph couldn't believe that they had balls enough to do it in front of Ranger, much less Ranger letting them get away with it. When she finally had the headset adjusted properly, she turned on the volume. She couldn't believe what she was hearing! Did that giggle just come from Tank, she wondered? She heard everyone else laughing hysterically as well. She turned to Ram, "What's going on?" Ram shrugged.

"No idea, we were actually hoping you might be able to shed some light on it." Steph bit her lip.

"I don't know what's going on, but I'm gonna go in there and try to find out. Keep the cameras on, and keep taping; we might need this one day." Steph grinned slyly. Ram grinned and nodded once.

Steph made her way to the conference room where Ranger, Tank, Lester, Bobby, Hal, and Cal all were. She put her hand on the door knob, gave herself a little pep talk, and walked in. All of the guys looked at her and smiled. Each one of them practically yelling the nickname each had given her.

"Ummmm, hi guys. What's goin' on?" She looked a little aprehensive. Hal walked up to Steph and put his arm around her.

"Hey sexy! We're just sitting around here talking. But now that you're here, I can think of much better things to do than talk." Hal smiled seductively at her. Steph looked at Hal like he had grown two heads.

"Hal, are you feeling ok?" He grinned again.

"I feel great baby, and I bet you do to."

"Then why are you acting like Lester?" Lester heard his name so he went over to them.

"Emulation is a compliment you know. But, don't lose yourself in the process. Remember Hal, your quiet shyness, is what makes you special." Steph shook her head, as if trying get an image out of your head.

"Ok, you two are weirding me out. I'm gonna talk to Ranger and find out what's going on." She turned to walk farther into the room. She heard Hal telling Lester that she'd be back. She chuckled to herself. By the time she reached Ranger, her mouth was hanging open and she couldn't form words. The area Ranger was sitting in was littered with empty wrappers and potato chip bags. Her eyes finally met Ranger's. Ranger smiled excitedly and held out his arms for a hug. She walked over, still in shock.

"BABE! It's great to see you! You were so right, and I take back everything I said; these Tastey Cakes are outstanding!" Steph shook her head again, then she smirked and just could not help herslef. She looked right at Ranger and said, "Those things will kill ya, Babe." Ranger actually looked dejected, and then whined! "But they're so good Babe!" When she rolled her eyes, she caught a glance of a bag. She picked it up and looked around.

"Whose bag of granola is this?" Steph saw Lester raise his hand. "Where did you get it?" Lester pointed out the door, "From the break room. Why?" Steph sighed, "I need to go make a call real quick. Don't go anywhere you guys." Steph pulled out her celler phone and stepped outside the door.

Steph punched in the number and hit send. "Dudette! How's it goin'?" Steph rolled her eyes. "Mooner, I need to know, was there pot in that granola?" She heard some snickering over the line. "Well, Dougie and I figured that if eating healthier was more fun and made you happier, you would do it more often. Pot makes people happy and they have fun. So Dougie and I made you pot granola!" Mooner sounded so sincere and proud, Steph found it hard to be too angry at them. "Well, just so you guys know; the guys here at Rangeman ate the granola, and they are flying high right now." Steph heard silence and then some giggles. "Well, maybe they will mellow out a little, and not be so scary." Steph considered what Mooner said. Maybe they could be entertainment for once. "Ok, thanks Mooner. I'll talk to you later. Bye." Steph pressed end and headed back into the conference room.

Steph walked back into the conference room and Hal walked right up to her again. "Hey sweetness. Did you miss me?" Steph tried not to grin. "Of course. I missed all of you." She was shocked as shit when every one of them all walked up for a group hug. Lester put his hands on Ranger and Steph's shoulders. "You know, we all really should make more time to spend with each other. Some time to just hang out and relax." Steph just nodded along, wondering how Lester got so wise.

Before Steph could think too long about Lester, Ranger spoke up. "Ya know, I read an article on the plane a few weeks ago that said things like that are good for a person's health, as well." Ranger looked at Stephanie. "What do you think Babe?" She was so stunned that Batman was talking, all she could do was nod in agreement. Ranger looked at her and she realized she needed to act normal. She sure as hell didn't want to have to tell him that she'd accidentally gotten him and his Merry Men stoned. She decided to just enjoy the entertainment, and worry about telling them later.

Steph and the guys all walked to table and sat down. She noticed all the guys either rocking or spinning in their chairs, while looking at the ceiling. She was trying so hard not to laugh at them, but it was just out of character for them. They all seemed so relaxed and unguarded, she was glad she told Ram to keep recording. She was curious as to what was going through their minds. "So...what'cha guys thinking about?" Hal sat up quickly. "Well, sugar, I was thinking about you." Steph was enjoying 'flirty Hal', so she smiled. "I was thinking about how beautiful and amazing you are. The way you genuinely care about all of us, and treat us like good people, really means a lot to us." Steph was almost speechless. Hal never really spoke to her, and if he did, it was only a few words with a blush. She put her hand on Hal's face. "Oh Hal, that was so sweet of you to say!" He actually pulled off a wolfish grin. "How 'bout some sugar...'Sugar'?" Steph just laughed and shook her head. "Well, can't blame a guy for trying!"

Steph was still patting Hal on the back when she heard sniffling. She looked over and saw Cal, of all people, sniffing and crying! She looked over to him with concern. "What's the matter Cal?" Call just glanced up, and hiccupped. "I..I'm...nnn...never gonna...fffind anyone...to...llll...oooove...mm...me" And he burst into tears again. Steph's jaw about landed on the table. She noticed Tank out of the corner of her eye shaking violently with silent laughter. Then she saw Bobby get up out of his chair, walk over to to Cal and give him a hug. In a whimsical voice Bobby looked at Cal and said, "Don't worry brother. You will always have me." And he dramatically pulled Cal's head into his chest and cradled it with one hand, and stroked his bald head with the other. Apparently that was too much for Tank to take. The next thing everyone knew, Tank was laughing hysterically, and rolling around on the floor holding his stomach. Bobby looked over. "HA! The Tank is down! He's literally rolling on the floor laughing!" Everyone started chuckling, even Cal.  
After everyone had calmed down some, Lester spoke up. "You know, a good cry can be therapeutic. You guys shouldn't be too hard on Cal. Human interaction is very important for a person's wellbeing." Steph rolled her eyes and had an incredulous tone of voice. "Yeah, is that why you're never seen with the same girl twice?" Bobby grinned.

"Ooooooooo, Bomber's got ya there Santos." Lester waved Bobby off. "There are different interactions that we all need. There are both physical, and emotional needs. They can be met separately, or together. Given my current lifestyle, I choose to meet those needs separately. The women satisfy my physical needs, while all of you give me the emotional stability that we all need, because you are my friends. I just haven't found the right woman to meet both." Steph really hated to admit it, but Lester made a decently logical argument. She wondered for a minute if that's what she was doing. She loved everyone at Rangeman, and they really did feel like her family. They provided emotional support and stability. Did she only keep going back to Joe, because he was her one option for the physical need?

Steph was brought out of her musings when she heard Ranger speak up. There was a reminisant, almost nostalgic tone to his voice. "I remember when I thought I'd never find anyone Cal. Trust me, you'll find her when you least expect it. That's what happened to me." Everyone was looking at Ranger as he just stared off, as if replaying a movie in his head. "A little over four years ago, a curly headed brunette entered my life, and it hasn't been the same since. She showed no fear, and impressed the hell out of me with her instincts and tenacity." Ranger paused and then chuckled. "I don't know how she did it, but she also managed to wrap my men around her little finger." His lips turned up into a smile. Steph smirked at Ranger. "Oh yeah? So when do I get to meet her?"

Lester grinned and shook his head. "Beautiful, he's talking about you. He loves you, we all do, but he's in love with you." Steph just looked at Lester dumbfounded, so he continued. "You don't give yourself enough credit. You're an amazing person, and we love having you around. We need you around here. Steph scoffed. "Why in the world would YOU guys need me? You guys can do anything!" Lester put his hand on Steph's and leaned in closer to her. "Steph, we are tough badasses, but we're human as well, and we have emotions. You make us feel human. You make us feel worthy. You make us feel loved and cared for." Lester leaned back so she could process everything he had said. Steph looked around and all of the guys were nodding.

Steph was overcome with emotion. "Is all of this true, Ranger? Are you in love with me?" Ranger looked her in the eyes. "Babe, I've probably been in love with you since day one. I've just been too stubborn and willful to admit it. I love you Stephanie." His eyes were glazed, and half lidded, but she could definitely tell he was being completely honest with her. She flung herself into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you too. I've waited so long. I gotta say though, I never imagined it would all come out because you all got stoned, but I'll take it." Everyone erupted into laughter, and Ranger laid one helluva kiss on Stephanie.

Bobby couldn't help himself. "Christ, if I knew that all we needed was some weed, we could have gotten them together years ago!" Tank was laughing so hard he pounded on the table, making Steph jump. Ranger told the guys to cool it or go to the other end of the conference room, because he was talking to his woman. After a few minutes, she noticed that the room got very quiet, and she saw Ranger give the guys a minute nod; so she looked to all the guys. All of the sudden they broke out in song and dance. She didn't know whether to laugh, or cry...so she just laughed until she cried. She sat watching Tank, Lester, Bobby, Cal, & Hal perform Men In Tights.

_We're men, we're men in tights._

_We roam around the forest looking for fights._

_We're men, we're men in tights._

_We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!_

_We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights!_

_We're men, we're men in tights,_

_Always on guard defending the people's rights._

She nearly pissed herself when they started doing the can-can chorus dance. They had all locked their arms and started doing the kicks like the Rockettes. Then they all started waving their giants hands back and forth.

_We're men, MANLY men, we're men in !_

_We roam around the forest looking for fights._

_We're men, we're men in tights._

_We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!_

_We may look like pansies, but don't get us wrong or else we'll put out your lights._

_We're men, we're men in tights_

_TIGHT Tights_

_Always on guard defending the people's rights._

_When you're in a fix just call for the men in tights!_

_WE'RE BUTCH!_

Steph stood up and clapped. After she had calmed herself down and dried her eyes, she looked at all of them, knowing that the high would being wearing off in a while. "Everyone, I have the PERFECT theme this year for Halloween costumes! We are all going as the characters from Mel Brooks' Robin Hood: Men In Tights!" Everyone was laughing so hard, but too damned stoned to disagree. Steph knew that once they sobered up, they would either try to deny it all together, or try and get out of it. Then she remembered that it was being recorded, and relaxed. She sat back down in Rangers lap and smirked; she had this one in the bag. "So what other tricks and performances can you boys do?


End file.
